Beware of “Normals”

The annual American Christian Fiction Writers Conference was held last week in St Louis. I was blessed to be able to go, and finally meet my amazing agent Karen Ball in person for the first time. I also met with Kim Moore of Harvest House Publishers. We’ll wait and see if anything comes of that.

ACFW is always a treasure trove of stories—more like caveats—against plotting stories, especially suspense or mystery novels, out loud in public. Our MC Brandilyn Collins regularly warns us about doing that in front of “normals” lest they get the wrong idea and call the police.

I had one encounter with “normals.” I was coming home from dinner with Karen and some of her other clients Friday night. I got on the elevator and three fairly big, late-twenty-something guys got on behind me. One lit up a cigarette. In the elevator. Another said, “You know that’s illegal.” “Nah, just frowned upon.” Laughter. OK, not the brightest bulbs in the box. Or they’d just been partying already. Either way…

At the next floor another writer got on. (I recognized her because I’d had lunch with her that day.) She got off at the next floor, and #1 punches his buddy and says, “Dude, she’s got a stress ball!”

Me: “Well, she’s a writer.”

#1: A rider?

#2: No, a writer.

#3: (motioning like steering a wheel) A rider, like in a car or a plane?

#2: No, a writer.

#1: Like an author?

#2: Yeah.

#1, to me: Is there like an authors’ convention or something here?

Me: Yeah, there is.

Lauraine Snelling

#1: Are you an author?

Me: Yes.

#1: Have you written anything?

Me: Yes, I’m on my fourth book.

#1, leaning in conspiratorially: Is there anyone here really big, like, you know, Harry Potter big?

Me: Well, our keynote speaker has written over 40 books.

#2: Really?

Me: Yes, but they’re all Christian authors.

I really wanted to say, “So you probably wouldn’t recognize any of them,” but I decided that would be mean, so since it was my floor I just got off.

Just more proof authors should not be allowed in public.