In Defense of Monogamy

This August my husband and I celebrated (OK – maybe that’s a strong word) 30 years of marriage. “Celebrating” was difficult since we were at the beach with our four children and a few other guests.

But I digress.

We have been married for 30 years and we do have many reasons to celebrate, though we may not do it with dinner and a movie.

I just read a story about a woman who married a bridge. A BRIDGE. In France. With the mayor’s blessing. In a wedding gown. She took the name of said bridge as her surname. It’s not legally recognized. Not that that stopped her. She has visited many bridges the world over and decided “he” is “The One.”

She said, among other things: “The Devil’s Bridge is everything I could desire in a husband – sturdy, trustworthy, sensual, kind and handsome.” “He understands that I love other bridges – and men – ours is a love that embraces the vagaries of life, as materialized in the swirling currents of the river that flows beneath his magnificent body.” “He makes me feel connected to the earth and draws me to rest from my endless nomadic wanderings. He is fixed, stable, rooted to the ground, while I am nomadic, transient, ever on the road.” “He gives me a safe haven, brings me back to ground myself, and then lets me go again to follow my own path, without trying to keep me tied down or in thrall to his needs or desires. I am devoted to him.”

Ummm … OK.

Actress Emma Thompson has decided that monogamy is unrealistic. We should not even be that upset, she says, when we are cheated, since we should not expect fidelity. She suggests perhaps “another model that is three relationships over the three stages of your life—your young life, your middle life, and your late life,” may be more realistic.

I have to say I agree with Emma that there is no such thing as “happily-ever-after.” Marriage is hard work. Very, very, very hard work. (Yes, I know a broke a lot of writing rules right there. But there is no other way to say it.) We’ve had rough spots, which we got through because we both knew divorce was not an option. We’ve gotten each other through unspeakable heartache. And we’ve had easy stretches, and unbelievable highs.

I know of marriages that have survived infidelity, life-threatening illness, and deaths of children. It can all be overcome if both are willing and ready to work at it. You can’t stop trying for even a little while, or the relationship will likely fall apart. But the rewards are well worth it.

I’m happy to be married to only one man for all my life. I know him better than I know myself. I know his heart and his touch, and I know he is—and always will be—all mine.

And I know that’s the way God intended it to be.